Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
