They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
