WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
