I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
