I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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