My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
