Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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