I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
