new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
