She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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