your room smells of hookers.
And success
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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