We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
