She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
