i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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