The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
