look no pants
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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