i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize