u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
