dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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