SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
