dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
