remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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