K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
