too bad you live with your parents still
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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