I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Holy sore nipples Batman
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
