I cannot find my penis.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
