alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I want you more than these girls want KFC
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
