Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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