you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
