He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
