Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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