we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
