he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
