We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
