And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
North Korea, Best Korea!
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
