If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
