Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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