Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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