They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
