Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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