He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize