break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
