I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
