We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
