I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
