i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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