Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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