U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
