Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
