I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
