I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
should my penis look like a turkey
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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