Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
