You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
