Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize