He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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