come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
