even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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