She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
