she looked like the before picture.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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