so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
