seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
