I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
you never un-have a 4some
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
