The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
