it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
